Ever felt like you didn’t belong—anywhere?!? I certainly have for the majority of my life. I’ve never really “fit” anywhere in a lasting way. I have always had friends and acquaintances, as well as family nearby. I just never really “fit.” I’m not sharing this for pity; it’s quite the contrary at this point in my life. However, I didn’t always feel so comfortable being the outcast.
I used to lament over it as a child when my massive extended family mostly made me feel unwanted and like I didn’t belong. I tried everything I knew to do in order to fit in, but it was never received well nor was it successful in achieving the feeling of belonging. I was friendly with just about everyone, but I wasn’t truly friends with anyone. I always wondered what made me so poorly constructed that no one seemed to want to go “all in” when it came to attaching themselves to me. I was mostly oblivious and happy in spite of this, but I always knew in my heart that I wasn’t quite like anyone else.
It was a fault, I thought, that no one stuck around or wanted to invest in me. I just needed to help them see that I was a good person and worthy of their attention and love. So, I became a people-pleaser. If I could help someone, especially if I had to go out of my way to do so, I jumped at the chance. They needed something done that they didn’t want to do because it was inconvenient? I was their girl! I’d do it, and I’d do the best job anyone could ever do at something they cared little to nothing about. Yeah, it was sometimes that pointless, but I’d get a smile and kind words that made me feel like I fit momentarily.
This was a road I wish I would have never gone down because it became my entire identity. No one had to appreciate me or be my friend—just use me as you see fit and toss me when I no longer serve your purpose. It was a vicious cycle that actually made me resentful, angry, and feel worse than when I was initially ignored. However, I wasn’t a quitter, and I never gave up trying until God decided that he’d seen enough of my pointless, exhausting antics.
Again, none of this to make anyone feel sorry for me. I actually cringe at the idea of anyone pitying me, which is why I’ve never shared this quite so openly. However, I am sharing this now because I feel like I’m finally at the stage where I’m a recovering people-pleaser. I’m also sharing this because of what Jesus has shared with me while walking me through the storms of my life, and how the Holy Spirit has spoken life into me along the way. The truth is that we were never meant to fit in…to this world. We already fit in without trying to the place we are meant for.
How I’ve been a Christian this long and never fully realized that this was the point, I can’t explain with any rationality to my argument. I didn’t have the eyes to see until I did. I didn’t have the ears to hear until I did. God’s pretty miraculous in that way—so patient with my tiny human brain. He waits until “it” finally clicks in our minds and unveils our eyes to whatever “it” happens to be. Once I clearly saw Jesus as the Holy Outcast, I knew I was home. I stopped searching this world for my place in it; instead, I tried my best to fit my world into His plans and purpose for me. I tried my best to spend more and more time in my secret place with Him and in His word learning His voice. The love and peace that He can wash through you is an experience that is out of this world and one everyone should (and could) have!
I don’t always spend all the time that I could, and I still get A LOT wrong in tons of ways. So, please don’t mistake my purpose here. I just want you to know that if you ever feel like you’re alone, different, an outcast, or any synonym you’d like to plug in here, you are in the best company. You’re also not the only one who has, does, or ever will feel this way. Guess what else? That’s a good thing! Seek Him and find your happy place right where you are. Enjoy pieces of heaven right here on this earth that seems so God forsaken sometimes because in all reality it’s not been nor have we been forsaken. He is just there patiently waiting for us to grab ahold of His hand. He’s patient, kind, and never failing. He IS love. He’ll never give up on you or make you feel like you don’t belong. You’ll never feel more like a vital part of a family than you will when you join His. Calling all misfits…
Let me leave you with a little something from 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 (NIV), “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became an adult, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
