I went to college at Central State University in Edmond, OK. CSU was only one of three programs in the nation that offered a BS program in Mortuary Science. In the late 80’s the BS degree in my profession was highly sought after and it was actually very hard to get into one of these programs unless you had some previous mortuary work experience. They didn’t want to use their limited space for students that had no experience, therefore not knowing if they would make it long term in the profession. I will always be grateful for the experience opportunity that was given to me by a funeral director in Lamar that essentially allowed me to get into this program in Oklahoma. The Mortuary Science program at CSU-Edmond accepted 49 students per year, that is it. Several of my classmates and I still remain friends and in contact today.
The Power Of The Mind
The human mind is a powerful thing. After completing the semester hours necessary to obtain my BS degree(124), I got this wild idea that I wanted to go ahead and get a PHD in psychology. With that came a lot of psychology classes. After about 12 hours of graduate work, I decided I had had enough. But the graduate work was not all a waste. Much of it I have retained and I can say that it has helped me to better understand some of the thought processes that we go through and better explain some of our reactions to different situations and different life events. A couple interesting facts: Did you know that the human mind has the power to increase the body temperature in just one of your fingers? Or did you know that one of or some combination of three different feelings always precedes the feeling of anger: Fear, Frustration or Hurt? Learning is a good thing, and I am thankful that I spent the time that I did learning. It has helped me
The Things We See
I’m finding, and I’m sure most can relate. That the older I get, the more I find myself seeing different things that “trigger” a memory of an occasion, event or someone. Each of us has remembrances that bring us joy, happiness, intrigue and yes sometimes sadness. But I saw something the other day that triggered a memory for me that brought me a memory of fondness. I saw a white Lincoln Continental, early 90’s body style and it triggered a memory for me. Anyone who lived here in our small community in the early 90’s has now probably had the same memory triggered as you think about a white Lincoln Continental.
I’ll Need a Dozen of Those
When I first started my business, we put in a little flower shop with the funeral home. I figured that if we were going to have funerals, we would need flowers. I really wanted our people here to be able to take care of everything right here without going to Lamar. I always have said “just because we don’t have a Wal-Mart, doesn’t mean that we can’t have a funeral home”. It just seemed natural to offer families both funerals and flowers, they just seem to go hand in hand. In the beginning I rented out our little space to Mrs. Gay Land, who owned “Flowers & Weddings by Gay” in Lamar. She operated the shop here in Eads for about a year, then decided she wanted to get out and leave me with it. Our little flower shop was never a money maker, actually it was just the opposite, but it was instrumental in creating some very good memories and some fantastic friendships.
One of the first customers that walked in the door after opening was a gentleman by the name of Milton Louthan. (Now you know what memory the White Lincoln Continental had triggered). Milton, who is Craig Kerfoot’s grandfather, by the way, was a retired farmer and businessman here in Kiowa county. He said, “I am going to need a dozen red roses and I am going to need a standing order for a dozen red roses on Polly’s birthday”. Milton explained that he had been buying her red roses for many years, and wanted to see to it that this continued. They had to be red, not pink, yellow, white or any other color. They had to be red. We took the order and made a friend. A pretty good way to start that particular day. Little did I know that these would be the last roses that Milton would buy for his beloved Polly. On Nov. 21, 1992 Milton Louthan died. We had his funeral at the Big Red Brick church in Eads (UMC). Family and friends gathered and the common theme was how Milton adored his Polly.
A New Friend
After Milton’s funeral, Polly and I became very close friends. I had begun attending the Assembly of God Church in Eads, and it was there that I learned of her deep and abiding faith in her Lord. She would pull up in front of that little building, park her white Lincoln Continental in front and make her way up all those steps. I came to really appreciate her faithfulness and I was a witness to her love of Jesus. It just wasn’t ever right seeing Polly without Milton.
I continued to send Polly her roses on her birthday (Jan. 25) for the next 5 years. That seemed to be the least that I could do. I was the true benefactor of the relationship with the Louthan’s, their friendship and Christian witness, all be it brief has given me many, many happy memories. Milton would have wanted the flowers to continue, in fact that was his intention. He just didn’t know that the roses he purchased at our grand opening in September of 92 would be the last ones he got to deliver to her himself.
A couple of years before Polly would need them, Polly summoned me to her home to give me some instructions and some items. Anyone who knew Polly knew that she never left the house unless she was complete “made-up”. She had a specific way that she wore her make-up, and was always dressed appropriately. Not only did she have a specific “look” but she had a particular perfume that she wore. Many times you would smell Polly before you saw her. A very pleasant smell, but very much “Polly”. When I arrived at her home that evening, there I found Polly sitting at her dining room table and on the table were some clothes. Polly had laid out her burial outfit and with it was an entire bag full of make-up. She had compiled this collection as a spare set, just especially for when she died. In the bag of make-up was her perfume. She took about 30 minutes to explain to me what every item was and what purpose it served. I quickly learned the difference between foundation and concealer, lipstic and eye liner, you get the point. We talked about what she wanted for her funeral and I took the clothes and stuff with me. She wanted me to have them and keep them for when she needed them. We didn’t know when that day would come, but she wanted the peace of mind in knowing that things were in place.
Polly’s Farewell
Polly died on October 18, 1997, just 5 years after Milton. It seems like she lived longer than that because Polly was always just part of our little community. Things were prepared for Polly’s burial exactly as she had planned. I’ll admit, I had to hire a cosmetologist to come in and get her make-up “just right”, but at least I had her stuff. She would have wanted it that way, perfect. Polly’s casket was (you guessed it) white and atop of the casket sat 1 dozen red roses, complements of her beloved Milton. We went to the church for her funeral and while everything seemed perfect, I couldn’t help but think, something is missing. Then it dawned on me, I had forgotten Polly’s perfume. I went back to the funeral home got her bag of stuff, came back to the church and gave her a spritz or two or three or four of her “smell”. Now it was complete. Polly looked beautiful like Polly and she smelled like Polly. Polly’s body was perfectly prepared for her burial. She had gone to heaven looking good and smelling good. Things were just as she would have wanted them, right down to the way she smelled. I believe that the Lord God probably greeted Polly with “Polly it’s good to see you. I saw and smelled you coming”. Milton probably said “Did you get the roses that I sent?”
Our Triggers
I am thankful for the things that trigger our memory. It has been said that our minds will protect us if we allow them to. I am of the opinion that part of that protection comes in the form of happy, special and heartfelt memories. Sentiment is a very special thing, I believe a gift from God our creator. I am thankful that every time I see a white Lincoln Continental I think of my friend Polly. Oh, buy the way, when you read the title “The Pink Kitchen”, what memory did that trigger? Anyone who had ever been in Polly’s house probably immediately thought of her. It sure does leave you longing for the way things used to be.
